The Learning Part Is the Hardest Part

Am I the only one who finds it difficult to learn life lessons?  I was never that good in school but I always thought I at least had some street smarts.  It seems, however, that when it comes to life lessons I feel as though I'm back in my 7th grade math class again just scratching my head and squinting. You see, if you squint the teacher thinks you are trying diligently to solve the equation when in actuality you are simply saying in your head, "For the love of god please don't call on me!"

Lately, well actually for the past six or more years it seems my life has been filled with lessons for me to learn and I don't know if I really completely comprehend any of them. Perhaps it is one big lesson of letting go and not trying to figure every little thing out.  But I digress...welcome to my blog!  Yes, it will be filled with meandering thoughts that fill my brain every waking minute that are sometimes enlightening and other times nonsensical. Welcome to my world.  My hope is that you will get something out of it whether it is a feeling of, "okay, I'm not the only one who thinks these things or has these experiences," to "wow, this chick is f 'd up. Glad my life isn't that bad," or even just using my outpourings to help you fall asleep at night.    

I have been trying to come up with a good story type opener for my first blog but am feeling a bit lost lately and have been ping ponging in my head what topic to touch on.  So tonight will be about feeling lost.  I am well equipped for this since being unemployed for over a year and a new mom have thrown me into places that are completely unfamiliar to me.  

What does it feel like to be lost?  It is exactly like being in the middle of the woods at sunset and having spent every ounce of energy retracing your steps to see where you veered off the trail and all hope is gone to ever find it again.  Oh, and you've eaten the last bag of trail mix and ran out of water hours ago.  It's that initial burst of panic when you realize you are completely alone and very ill equipped to survive in the woods at night. 

In terms of being lost in life that panic is there every single day and night and there's no sign to help you get back to where you once were. It's when you are so stuck in your life that you can't see the forest through the trees.  So you plug along like a beaten dog following its master in hopes of one day getting a scratch behind the ears. You can try to change things up a bit.  Perhaps take a different path that will lead you back home, but I've found that it usually just leads you somewhere else.  

Home is defined as, "a social unit formed by a family living together; a place of origin; a familiar or usual setting." Interesting that "family" and "familiar" are so similar.  Family is familiar so does familiarity create a family?  I think so.  Speaking of family, I am going to see my family this Thursday.  They will be meeting my son for the first time.  Maybe once I'm there, I won't feel quite so lost.  Maybe the familiarity of my family will bring me home. 

I would like to end each blog with an offering of gratitude so tonight, although I am lost in the woods (metaphorically speaking....please don't call 911) I am grateful to have the sky above me and the ground beneath me. Tomorrow is another day to find my way back home.

Thanks for listening,
N